Ten things you need to know about Sweden and swedes

I found a list that someone made about Sweden and us swedes, and it was pretty accurate, actually:

1. The day after Midsummer, Stockholm is a bit like London at the beginning of 28 Days Later
   They take summer very seriously here.  The whole country pretty much shuts down for the month of July and everyone flocks to the arhcipelago to spend a month frolicking in the Baltic naked (at least, I’m fairly sure that’s what they do).  At the end of June there are actual speedboat traffic jams at the locks leading from Lake Mälaren to the sea, and ex pats and tourists wandering around scratching their heads thinking, “I could have sworn there were some Swedes here yesterday… ?”
2. They aren’t as unfriendly as they think
   The stereotype of the reserved Swede who won’t invite anyone to their birthday party until they have known them at least a decade isn’t entirely unfounded, but I’ve found that, on a casual/acquaintance basis, they are astonishingly kind.  I once vented to a work colleague about some trouble I was having organising an electricity account in my name because I didn’t yet have a personnummer, and he instantly phoned the electricity company and chewed them out on my behalf.  I haven’t ever seen him on a social basis, but I can switch on my TV.
3. They are quite tall and blond and beautiful
   Not all of them, it has to be said: Stockholm is about as multi cultural as most European capital cities, but those that are ethnically Swedish (is that a thing?) are pleasingly predictably ridiculously tall and blond.  I once thought I’d met Alexander Skarsgård and spent at least 20 minutes chatting to this guy trying desperately to seem cool and nonchalant and not at all starstruck, and then I mentioned something about L.A. and he said he’d never been and I took a second look and realised that he was in fact a random tall blond dude who’d probably never torn a V dealer’s head off in his life.
4. When they raise a glass and shout skål, everyone must make eye contact with everyone else at the table before drinking
   This is normal.  Don’t get all freaked out and paranoid and demand to know why everyone is staring at you.
5.  If you don’t see a queue at the cashier or help desk, don’t assume that no one is waiting for help
   The line is, in fact, invisible: all the people waiting have a little number ticket, and if you boldly mosey straight up to the empty desk and ask a question, they will shame you to the depths of your very soul.  It will be silent, it will be subtle, but you will seriously consider chopping a pinkie toe off to offer in penance.
6. Nakedness isn’t necessarily sexual
   This is the distinction that can be confusing for outsiders: after puberty, we tend to associate wearing one’s birthday suit with sexy times, but in Sweden, if you’re naked, it simply means that you don’t have any clothes on.  I’m of the opinion that this is why they are so much more comfortable with it: if it’s not primarily sexual, then there’s nothing especially private or awkward about it.  Friends will sauna together; people will skinny dip in the middle of the city in daylight; I have a neighbour, a woman around my age, who has waved to me, having apparently just stepped out of the shower, as I peeked out the window to see if the snow was settling.
7. Half-the hour means half to the hour, not half past
   If you arrange a meeting for ‘half six’, don’t be surprised by an irritated phone call at 5:45 asking where you are.  ”Half six” is 5:30.  Also, they don’t like it when people are not on time.  You might have to remove another toe.
8. They have actual holiday days for pastries
   It’s brilliant.  In other countries, we celebrate military victories and saints’ days and politicians’ birthdays: in Sweden, they celebrate cinnamon buns, and waffles and saffron pastries.  Be careful not to confuse an American friend by telling him about how they celebrate “buns” and have him wonder if they honour first the right one, and then the left one. (Hahaha!)
9. When you enter someone’s home  (and even some offices)  take off your shoes
   For the love of Thor, take off your shoes.  Even if it appears that people inside are wearing shoes: they are not.  They are wearing slippers that might look like shoes but never have, nor ever will, touch a pavement.  If you take a step over the threshold with footwear that has seen the light of day upon your feet, you will be shamed.  Soon you will not need shoes at all, for you will have no toes left.
10. The quality of life is almost absurd
    When you live in a world where it is very hard to lose your job (seriously, it takes about a year to sack someone here unless they’ve set the office on fire or something) and even if you did you would still have healthcare and free education up to PHD level, you have the time and energy to prioritise family and leisure time (see no. 1), to devote to fitness and cultural interests, to be calm and reasonable and genuinely prize equality and fairness even at the expense of short term profit or benefit.

    I went to a spa yesterday with some girlfriends.  To me, a spa day is a rare treat, but I was aware of being surrounded by groups of teenagers, couples, guy friends, solo people, all cheerfully steaming or bubbling the cares of the week away on a random Sunday.  I thought to myself, these people have it figured out.

 

Note: This is not list I made, I found it while internet-ing, and yes, I just made up that word. All points were fairly correct, but the author failed to mention our undying love for coffee, meatballs and mash. And chocolate (or is that just me?)
Here’s a link to the author’s blog: http://www.expatsblog.com/contests/778/top-ten-things-you-need-to-know-about-sweden-and-the-swedesh

She spelled Swedish wrong. That annoys me immensely.