Nine’normal’ chats sound totally odd to Swedish people…

1. “It’s getting chilly, it could be 5C tomorrow.”
While Sweden was one of a number of European countries that enjoyed a milder than usual start to the winter, it sure made up for lost time in early January when temperatures dropped to almost -20C in the capital and below -40C in the north. So, unless you’re from the Arctic or somewhere else that does snow really well, it can feel a little baffling when people living elsewhere in the world comment on the need to wrap up warm when it’s just 5C.

2. “Don’t worry, it’s my round.”
High alcohol prices and an individualistic culture mean that a night out on the town can end up very pricey if you decide to shout all your friends to a drink in Sweden. You’ll likely pay up to 75 kronor for a beer, and definitely shouldn’t expect one back. Almost everywhere else on earth it’s waaaay cheaper to go to the pub.

If you’re back in your country for a home visit, or a Swede working in another nation, embrace the experience of sharing rounds, even if it feels bizarre after so many nights queuing up besides six friends to order a single drink each. Cheers!

3. “We don’t have a big enough garden.”
Foreigners and Swedes alike living in the country’s biggest cities spend a good splice of their spare time bemoaning the acute housing crisis. In Stockholm, if you manage to score a second-hand studio apartment for more than one year for less than 8000 kronor a month, you’re basically hailed a hero. Balconies are common (but hike up your costs), however having a garden in the city centre is the holy grail.

So, you might be forced to bite your tongue when people living elsewhere start making noises about needing a “spare bedroom” or “a bigger garden, in case we have kids”. But that said, there are few places with such beautiful nature as Sweden, so who needs outside space when you can spend your weekends roaming around in the outdoors eh?

4. “I might have to give up work to look after the kids.”
The idea that someone — usually a woman — might be forced to quit her career to look after her children can be a bemusing one if you’ve been living in Sweden. Swedish residents – including immigrants – get 480 days of shared parental leave followed by heavily subsidised day care, all nestled into a culture of flexible working. Although the Scandinavian country isn’t completely equal, it is streets ahead of the rest of the world. You’ll hear far more conversations about expensive childcare, rigid working hours and gender salary gaps in other European nations than in Sweden.

5. You’re working out again?”
Most Swedes make exercise a regular part of their weekly routine and while obesity levels are rising, they remain among the lowest in Europe. Keeping fit is viewed as good for the body and the soul and is something, well, completely normal. This is not always the case in other countries such as the UK, where anyone spotted simply carrying a sports bag around can be quickly labelled a ‘fitness freak’ or a ‘gym addict’. Leaving the pub early to go to a spinning class might be greeted with a smile and a ‘lycka till’ (good luck) in Sweden, but prepare to be greeted with shock or bemusement elsewhere. Especially if it’s your round.

6. “I’m running late, the bus didn’t turn up.”
In efficient Sweden, buses somehow manage to run on time, even in -20C temperatures. This isn’t the case in most places on the planet. If someone outside Sweden tells you they’re late because of a public transport malfunction, they are either actually telling the truth or using a very plausible lie that you’ll be unable to check up on. But if you’re used to Swedish services running to the second and friends being just as punctual whether they’ve walked, biked or cycled to meet you (we did tell you Swedes love to keep fit), be prepared to get frustrated by this kind of tardiness.

7. “I just spoke to a fascinating woman on the bus.”
Imagine you’re on a bus that does break down (outside of Sweden, obviously). How would it feel to chat to the other passengers about the delay, swap stories about where you’re going or boast about your last (even worse) transport drama? If you’re used to living in the Nordics, where people are notoriously quiet on buses and trains, this could make you a bit uncomfortable. Alternatively, if you’ve spent months or years either suffering in silence or feeling like a weirdo whenever you make small talk in Sweden, you’ll likely be relishing this experience (as long as the bus gets fixed quickly, because you’re not used to being late!).

8. “I’ll just put a quick wash on!”
You know when you’re rushing around doing your chores and you chuck a load in the washing machine while simultaneously cooking dinner, running a bath and preparing for a work meeting? No, that doesn’t happen if you live in a Swedish city.

In most apartment blocks you have to book your laundry slot a week before and turn up on time to make sure nobody else steals it. Realised your favourite outfit is dirty 24 hours before an important date? You’re screwed. Even if you’ve got a balcony, it probably won’t dry in time and might actually freeze. If you’re staying with friends or family in other countries and they mention they’re putting a wash on, you could find yourself getting rather excited and handing over your dirty laundry.

9. “Sure, I’ll meet you tonight!”
So you’ve managed to avoid arguments about whether it’s actually cold (it isn’t) or your friend turning up 30 minutes late and you’d quite like to fit in another trip to the pub. But that’s never going to happen is it, because you have to plan social engagements at least a week in advance? Well, that may be what you’re used to in Sweden, but not everyone is quite so organised. That means if you’re spending time away from the Nordics, you can marvel at the chance to be a bit more spontaneous.

Don’t get too carried away though. If you want to see your Swedish friends when you get back, you’d better find time to text them too, to check their availability for the next month.

– – – –

I’m never the one to start a conversation while on a bus or train. I’m a true Swede, so I spend the journey in comfortable silence, though if someone starts talking to me I answer back. Doing anything else would just be rude…

20 life lessons from Disney films

The Hunchback of Notre Dame – Use your voice to stand up for what’s right. If you don’t fight, who will?

Brave – It’s important to know yourself and what you want, but it’s also important to learn to see things from others’ perspectives.

Beauty and the Beast – Don’t let other people’s expectations for you colour the way you see yourself.

Sleeping beauty – Surround yourself with good people, and all the best things in life will follow, because you’ll always have someone looking out for you.

The Lion King – Hold yourself and the ones you love to high standards. You might be surprised how powerful of a motivating force your example can be.

The Princess and the Frog – Don’t become so single-mindedly dedicated to one specific goal that you forget what’s most important in your life.

Aladdin – You don’t have to do things a certain way just because that’s how they’ve always been done. Challenge tradition and keep moving forward.

The Little Mermaid – Your voice is priceless, don’t give it up just so you can fit in. The things that make you unique – your thoughts, opinions, and values – are the things about yourself you should cherish most, and the things other people will love the most about you.

Frozen – You can be motivated by fear, or you can be motivated by love. Almost every decision you make comes down to one of those two things, and you should always, always choose love over fear.

Peter Pan – Jealousy is a waste of energy that never gets you anywhere. It won’t get you what you feel like you’re missing, and it might isolate you from other people. Instead focus your energy on doing something that builds you up.

Pirates of the Caribbean – Embrace the opportunity to lead others. Don’t get hung up on the possibility of making mistakes. You’re just as competent as anyone else, and you have skills and smarts that are uniquely yours.

Tangled – You’re capable of more than you might realise. Just because you’ve never done something before, that doesn’t mean you can’t do it now. The only way you’ll know is by trying.

Atlantis: The Lost Empire – Protect your people. Your family, whether they’re related to you or not, loves you most. You should send all that love back to them as fiercely as you can.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves – Don’t underestimate the power of simply being kind to everyone around you. It’s extremely powerful, and remember: you’re the one who can fill the world with sunshine.

Mulan – Be bold, be brave, and never, ever give up. You won’t know if the next time you try something challenging will be the time you finally succeed unless you go for it. Look at the problems from a different perspective, and you’ll get to the top.

Tarzan – Keep an open mind and explore new worlds. You have no idea what’s out there waiting to be discovered. With a curious mind and a gentle heart, you can find the beauty in everything.

Cinderella – Be kind to everyone, even to the smallest of creatures, and even those aren’t kind back to you. That kindness is the most beautiful thing you can send out into the world, and it will eventually make its way back to you.

Pocahontas – Trust yourself. Facing the unknown is scary, but if you want something bigger than what you’ve already dreamed, the unknown is your only option.

The Nightmare Before Christmas – You can’t stop the people you love from making mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s good that they do, because mistakes help you grow. All you can do is keep loving them through it.

Alice in Wonderland – Being odd is much more fun than being ordinary, so let your imagination run wild and think as many impossible things as you can. That’s how you create a world of your own that you love.

Miss Piggy and me

We’ve all done things we regret in life, me, more than most. When I was in high school, I got it into my head I would colour my hair blonde, for some weird reason. Did my friends stop me from making this mistake? No. I really should have thought it all through before doing it, going from being a ginger to a blonde is not (NOT) a good idea.

When my grandma saw the result, she took one look at me and said:
“You look like Miss Piggy!”
Me: What?!
Grandma: *Laughing uncontrollably*

And that’s why I’m never, ever, ever (evereverevereverever) going blonde again.
The end.

Ten things you need to know about Sweden and swedes

I found a list that someone made about Sweden and us swedes, and it was pretty accurate, actually:

The day after Midsummer, Stockholm is a bit like London at the beginning of 28 Days Later
They take summer very seriously here. The whole country pretty much shuts down for the month of July and everyone flocks to the arhcipelago to spend a month frolicking in the Baltic naked (at least, I’m fairly sure that’s what they do). At the end of June there are actual speedboat traffic jams at the locks leading from Lake Mälaren to the sea, and ex pats and tourists wandering around scratching their heads thinking, “I could have sworn there were some Swedes here yesterday… ?”
They aren’t as unfriendly as they think
The stereotype of the reserved Swede who won’t invite anyone to their birthday party until they have known them at least a decade isn’t entirely unfounded, but I’ve found that, on a casual/acquaintance basis, they are astonishingly kind. I once vented to a work colleague about some trouble I was having organising an electricity account in my name because I didn’t yet have a personnummer, and he instantly phoned the electricity company and chewed them out on my behalf. I haven’t ever seen him on a social basis, but I can switch on my TV.
They are quite tall and blond and beautiful
Not all of them, it has to be said: Stockholm is about as multi cultural as most European capital cities, but those that are ethnically Swedish (is that a thing?) are pleasingly predictably ridiculously tall and blond. I once thought I’d met Alexander Skarsgård and spent at least 20 minutes chatting to this guy trying desperately to seem cool and nonchalant and not at all starstruck, and then I mentioned something about L.A. and he said he’d never been and I took a second look and realised that he was in fact a random tall blond dude who’d probably never torn a V dealer’s head off in his life.
When they raise a glass and shout skål, everyone must make eye contact with everyone else at the table before drinking
This is normal. Don’t get all freaked out and paranoid and demand to know why everyone is staring at you.
If you don’t see a queue at the cashier or help desk, don’t assume that no one is waiting for help
The line is, in fact, invisible: all the people waiting have a little number ticket, and if you boldly mosey straight up to the empty desk and ask a question, they will shame you to the depths of your very soul. It will be silent, it will be subtle, but you will seriously consider chopping a pinkie toe off to offer in penance.
Nakedness isn’t necessarily sexual
This is the distinction that can be confusing for outsiders: after puberty, we tend to associate wearing one’s birthday suit with sexy times, but in Sweden, if you’re naked, it simply means that you don’t have any clothes on. I’m of the opinion that this is why they are so much more comfortable with it: if it’s not primarily sexual, then there’s nothing especially private or awkward about it. Friends will sauna together; people will skinny dip in the middle of the city in daylight; I have a neighbour, a woman around my age, who has waved to me, having apparently just stepped out of the shower, as I peeked out the window to see if the snow was settling.
Half-the hour means half to the hour, not half past
If you arrange a meeting for ‘half six’, don’t be surprised by an irritated phone call at 5:45 asking where you are. ”Half six” is 5:30. Also, they don’t like it when people are not on time. You might have to remove another toe.
They have actual holiday days for pastries
It’s brilliant. In other countries, we celebrate military victories and saints’ days and politicians’ birthdays: in Sweden, they celebrate cinnamon buns, and waffles and saffron pastries. Be careful not to confuse an American friend by telling him about how they celebrate “buns” and have him wonder if they honour first the right one, and then the left one. (Hahaha!)
When you enter someone’s home (and even some offices) take off your shoes
For the love of Thor, take off your shoes. Even if it appears that people inside are wearing shoes: they are not. They are wearing slippers that might look like shoes but never have, nor ever will, touch a pavement. If you take a step over the threshold with footwear that has seen the light of day upon your feet, you will be shamed. Soon you will not need shoes at all, for you will have no toes left.
The quality of life is almost absurd
When you live in a world where it is very hard to lose your job (seriously, it takes about a year to sack someone here unless they’ve set the office on fire or something) and even if you did you would still have healthcare and free education up to PHD level, you have the time and energy to prioritise family and leisure time (see no. 1), to devote to fitness and cultural interests, to be calm and reasonable and genuinely prize equality and fairness even at the expense of short term profit or benefit.

I went to a spa yesterday with some girlfriends. To me, a spa day is a rare treat, but I was aware of being surrounded by groups of teenagers, couples, guy friends, solo people, all cheerfully steaming or bubbling the cares of the week away on a random Sunday. I thought to myself, these people have it figured out.

Note: This is not list I made, I found it while internet-ing, and yes, I just made up that word. All points were fairly correct, but the author failed to mention our undying love for coffee, meatballs and mash. And chocolate (or is that just me?)
Here’s a link to the author’s blog: http://www.expatsblog.com/contests/778/top-ten-things-you-need-to-know-about-sweden-and-the-swedesh

She spelled Swedish wrong. That annoys me immensely.

Things we girls secretly love to do alone

What Films taught us

Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people — whether they are employed or not.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
It’s easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off–even while scuba diving.
You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: “Enter Password Now.”
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

27 things you should never do in London

I stumbled upon this list, and, knowing me, I’m sure I can cross a few things off this list.

Stand to the left on an escalator.
I’ve lost count on how many times I’ve done this. Oops.
Maye Eye Contact.
Yep.
Smile.
90% of the time. This is going great!
Tell people to smile.
I haven’t done that- yet.
Start a conversation.
Well, yeah. Darn it.
Take pictures of people.
Haven’t done that, either! 🙂
Ask people to take a picture of you.
I hate having my Picture taken, hate, hate, hate.
Ask for directions.
Soooo many times! I have no sense of direction.
Eat in public.
Of course I have! Stupid.
Eat on public transport.
Yeees.
Be unnecessarily loud in public.
I’m a very quiet person 🙂
Have a phone conversation on public transport.
Whenever that happens, I usually speak Swedish, so no one really understands me, anyway 🙂
Engage in public displays of affection.
Countless times. Starting to think the Brits are robots.
Be a tourist.
For the first year I was a tourist. Now, not so much.
Be from London.
Hard to be, since I’m Swedish.
Mimick a Cockney accent.
I’d probably offend people if I tried to do that…
Read a newspaper on the tube.
Done that!
Read it over someone elses shoulder.
Done that, too!
Ask where the Queen lives.
No need to, I know where she lives.
Insult the Queen.
Haven’t gotten around to do that yet!
Play music so that everyone can hear.
Nope.
Put your bag on the seat next to you.
Yep.
Wear a backpack on the tube.
Don’t own a backpack.
Drag a wheeled suitcase behind you.
Yep.
Walk to slowly.
I don’t think I do.
Stop in the middle of the pavement.
Might have happened once or twice.
Insult London.
Never!

Final Count: 16/27! I’ve apparently done lots of things I shouldn’t have done. Well, the Brits are robots, so there!

How to lose a Swedish friend in ten days

(http://www.thelocal.se/galleries/lifestyle/2266/10)

Day 1: In conversation, mention how you have always wanted to see Sweden; the country of the cuckoo clocks, watches and chocolate — that’s Switzerland, you dumb-dumb!

Day 2: Claim that Vikings were really Norwegian. Yeah, as if.

Day 3: Refuse to take ‘NO’ for an answer.

Day 4: Pretend you’ve never heard of ABBA, IKEA or Zlatan Ibrahimovich. Where have you been all your life, under a rock?

Day 5: Refuse to sing along to ‘Helan går’ at events, even when lyrics are provided.

Day 6: Nag them into takíng part in a colloquial dance or song from your own country – WITHOUT OFFERING THEM ANY ALCOHOL FIRST.

Day 7: Call a Swedish cup of coffee a ‘café Americano’

Day 8: Claim that your country invented kanelbullar (cinnamon buns) and/or meatballs

Day 9: Repeatedly call Copenhagen the ‘Venice of the North’

Day 10: Make up a word in your own language and stay adamant it is a fair translation of the word ‘lagom’, which to Swedes is a national heirloom – believed to be completely and utterly untranslatable in any language known to man.

Ten things you should NOT do when you’re in Sweden!

(http://goscandinavia.about.com/od/swede1/tp/10-Things-Not-Do-Do-In-Sweden.htm)

1. Don’t assume that all Swedes speak English!
English might be a universal language, but don’t expect to hear your mother tongue in most parts of Europe. In fact, you can only be guaranteed to hear English in the UK, but it is certainly not the predominant language in Sweden. This is not to say that we Swedes can’t speak English, but keep in mind that this is not our first language. Whatever you do, when you encounter a non-native English speaker in Sweden, do not raise your voice and speak more slowly to them as if they were raised in the back of a chicken coop. That’s just rude.

2. Don’t use highly animated body language!
Many non-Scandinavians don’t realize how animated they can be in a conversation. And the more animated they get, the more excited they get, as can be overheard in many a conversation. This is the quickest way to irritate the locals, and you can expect to be gently reprimanded if your voice carries over to the next table. When you see a Swede unconsciously turning their body away from you, or shade their eyes as if they are blocking out the sun, take this as your cue; it’s you they’re trying to ward off.

3. Don’t feel pressured by silence!
What you may perceive as an awkward silence, a Swede will perceive as a comfortable pause. “Don’t say what you mean, mean what you say” aptly describes the way of a Swedish conversation. Swedes are direct communicators and every word is calculated to carry a meaning across. You will hardly ever overhear conversations that are filled with social pleasantries and small talk, so don’t rush to fill the gap simply because you are used to keeping up constant chatter back home.

4. Don’t educate us!
This can come across as extremely arrogant, whether you mean to or not. Don’t assume that because Sweden is a neutral entity, Swedes are uninformed about the political complexities that go on in other countries. You will actually find the Swedes read a lot and take their education pretty seriously even from a young age. This is not to say that you cannot indulge them with interesting snippets about your homeland, but don’t be confrontational or look like a foreign know-it-all.

5. Don’t talk down the Vasa ship!
The medieval Vasa ship in Stockholm is a matter of national and historic pride. As far as Swedes (and now you, too) are concerned, it is the greatest engineering feat of mankind. Or at least, medieval-kind.

6. Don’t mention the Finnish ice hockey team!
When you are in Sweden, you support the Swedish Hockey team. End of story. This is the safest option, unless you want to start an argument. Don’t mention any other hockey teams. For the time being, you are a Swedish hockey patriot! The Swedes and the Finns have a long and complex history, so anyone not from Sweden or Finland had best leave it at that.

7. NEVER drink decaf!
Learn to enjoy coffee in Sweden – do not ask for a decaf substitute, it’s awful and not always available. Coffee and cinnamon buns might as well be the society glue, giving people a reason to get together and be social especially in Stockholm.

8. Don’t ignore personal space!
We Swedes love our personal space. We are not touchy-feely by nature. In fact, don’t even stand too close at the cash register in a shop. Don’t sit next to someone on a bus if there is an open seat just for you elsewhere. Think about it; if a complete stranger sits next to you in an empty bus, wouldn’t you too feel uncomfortable…or perhaps cling onto your handbag for dear life and look for the nearest escape route?

9. Don’t diss Swedish beer… or anything else!
Or go on about how much better the beer is in your home country. In fact, don’t talk about how much better anything is in your home county. It is rude and obnoxious, no matter where you go. Yes, the Swedish beer is much lighter and may taste like a watered-down version of your homebrew, but the Swedes happen to like it. If you don’t like it, just enjoy a different drink.

10. Don’t be flashy!
Your trip might not be about making friends, but if you come to Sweden as the cast of Jersey Shore, you are in for a world of rebuking. The social filters will go up and your new local acquaintances will try to avoid you like a gunshot to the head. In Sweden, everything is done in moderation, from everyday clothing to late night clubbing in Stockholm. People have fun, but just enough without making a nuisance of themselves. Remember that loud antagonizer at your local bar? You won’t find them here, so considering this inclination towards moderation a blessing.

The Swede in London

Category: Do’s & Don’ts